Dear Deity, Thank you so

Dear Deity,

Thank you so much for putting all the cute boys on Flight 1616 this morning. Sitting on the plane and watching them board was a real treat. I especially enjoyed the tall, beefy 20ish blonde guy (whom I took the liberty of naming Christian) and the dark-haired, Latin 30-something (we’ll call him Miguel). Bonus for scooping out Miguel in the Crown Room and then having him get on the same flight. You do awfully good work sometimes.

I know you’re probably busy and all, what with the Crusade. BTW, did you hear Dubya the other night when he called his little war a “Crusade?” I mean, sure, there are plenty o’ parallels between Operation Avenge My Daddy and the medieval purging of infidel barbarians, but really – did he have to go there on national TV? As if he wasn’t self-righteous enough the past few months. A Crusade. Really. What’s next? Middle-aged, over-insured white men telling women what they can or cannot do with their reproductive health? Oh wait, that’s happening too. I digress.

Anyway, you’ve got a lot on your plate, but next time you get a slew of hotties together on a plane, would you mind sitting a couple of them next to me? Not that the obese, snoring, elderly gentleman with a nasty head cold wasn’t a delight to sit next to, but to put so much eye candy on the plane and then make it all sit in coach seems a little like teasing. I was going to walk back and offer them a drink, but there was a lot of turbulence and the captain kept the fasten seat belts light on. Again, I can’t help but think it’s a little on the teasing side. I‘m sure it was just an oversight.

A couple more quick questions and then I’ll let you get back to more pressing matters. When did my grandma start planning the menus for Delta? A salad of raisins and shredded carrots? That was one from the culinary vaults, eh? Also, when the flight attendant passes out the hot towels at the beginning of the flight, is it bad form to blow your nose in it? Like I said, the guy in 2D really did have a bad cold, but just wanted to check on the protocol. I’m pretty sure I don’t need a ruling on his coughing up phloogies and spitting them into the airsick bag … that’s just plain wrong.

Thanks again for all your help. I really am appreciative. If Christian or Miguel need a place to stay or someone to hang with while they’re in NY, let them know I’m happy to lend a hand.

Later,

B.

P.S. Don’t know if you’ve ever been diagnosed with the GERD or not, but here’s a helpful little tidbit. If you take a business trip and end up going a little overboard on the spicy food, drinking and social smoking don’t forget to pack your Nexium. Heartburn really isn’t one of your better creations. Cheers.