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Learning from Art

Here are some things I learned at the Tate Modern's Kandinsky: The Path to Abstraction exhibit yesterday.

  • No matter where you stand, someone will inevitably walk right in front of you and block your view.
  • Odds are, this person will either be a pensioner or from the Far East.
  • The Tate Members Room doubles as a newborn mother's club. Screaming children and breast feeding are compulsory.
  • School is back in session, and everyone's on a field trip to the Museum all of a sudden.
  • Some of the schoolgirls have to wear the WORST uniforms. They look like the dresses that women put into mental institutions in the '50s would be forced to wear.
  • If you have a 7-year-old blonde dwarf in your house, you simply MUST pierce his ear shove a much-too-large diamond cubic zirconium in it.
  • Art teachers are the coolest.
  • For every kid sitting on the floor sketching his heart out, there's another one slumped onto a bench wishing he could sneak out for a fag.
  • No matter how cool the exhibition is, the people in the gallery are the real art.
  • When standing in a room watching all the people, try not to stand with your back to the painting they're all trying to look at.
  • When you find a really compelling person to look at, try not to stare.

Oh, and I guess the most important lesson of all ... no one will think your elaborately planned pun is as funny as you do.