Monkey on a Pedestal

On the cover this week's OK! magazine (which I have next to The Economist, Runner's World, and, well, Heat ... don't judge) les Beckhams say, "In America you're on a pedestal — they don't put you down."

Bless. Nope, Americans won't put you down, Dave. Until you go on Oprah and jump on sofas. Talk to your new BFF.

But wait. Apparently that's just a pull quote on the cover. Looking inside (no airbrushing here, just the facts), we find what David actually said was Americans ...

... put sportsmen up on a pedestal. They don't try to knock them down. And that's the great thing — to be respected by the whole country. It's so patriotic.

I'm confused. Does David think will Americans be patriotic by respecting him, or will he feel patriotic to the US by being respected? Did he feel patriotic to Spain while playing for Real Madrid?

I guess what with all the Hollywood schmoozing and Thetan pre-clearing, he hasn't had time to chat up Mark McGwire about not being knocked down.

What about poor posh Victoria (who will "miss puking up M&S food")? She's not a sportsman. She's not even Sporty Spice. Where is her pedestal? Fortunately, she's skinny enough to not need a very large one — maybe just the tiniest of Malibu Barbie ottomans. Oh, wait, she'll be really busy taking care of her kids. Not too worry.