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Oh Good Lourdes

You've probably seen my neighbor's recent exchange with her daughter when asked if she was a lesbian ...

"I kissed Britney Spears. I am the mommy pop star and she is the baby pop star. And I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her."

What you've yet to see is the rest of the conversation ...

L: Ok. What about when you used to hang out with Sandra Bernhard?

M: You've been on the Internet again, haven't you, Lola? Sandra was a friend of Mommy's back in the day, and only played a lesbian on tv. She has a baby now.

L: Mum, please ... she's at least bisexual. Does that mean you are too?

M: Guy! Come talk with your daughter.

L: But he's not realy my father, is he?

M: He is a very good father to you.

L: Then why are you running around so much with Uncle Stuart?

M: Guuu-uu-yyy! Get down here and read Lola a story. I've got a waxing appointment in 10 minutes.

L: Um, mum ... one more thing. When you kiss Aunt Rosie, that's just friends, right?

M: Of course it is dear. Mummy would never be anything more than friends with someone that big. Auntie Kel on the other hand ...

L: But they're real lesbians, right? Not fake ones like you and Britney.

M: Yes dear, they're big old dykes. And haven't we talked about not using the words "fake ones" and Britney in the same sentence? Go have a biscuit and find your father.

L: Okay. But I still think you're a little gay. And why is Uncle Stuart doing your waxes now? What happened to the nice Brazilian lady who used to come over?