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I'm Not Dead Either

I'm only nine tracks into it, but I haven't been so happy with a CD purchase in I can't remember. Maybe since I told y'all to Try This. Didn't download any of it before the purchase (try before you buy) and hoo-doggie, it's a keeper. Yes, he did say hoo-doggie.

Haven't blogged in a while, which surprises me because I've been writing a lot. Trying to come up with some ideas for stories, but mostly it's journaling about life outside the 9-5 and weighing the pros and cons of alternative careers. Trying to define "success" on my own terms.

There's also been some rationalizing about getting turned down for jobs because "we're looking for someone less senior." The irony being I go into the interviews thinking I'm probably underqualified.

I pretty much fell into the industry I was in. I took the job to just do graphics production, audition, and "keep my mouth shut." Six months later I was a team leader and 7 years later I was Head of Global Branding. Who'd have thought that would ever happen?

I'm going into my 3rd month of not having to be at the office, and I find myself wondering if those 7 years weren't just a fluke. The critic in me ("You're maudlin and full of self-pity. You're magnificent.") says maybe I wasn't supposed to be in the suited-up world. He's rebutted by the inner cheerleader ("Hola Señor Bradley!") that says I really am that "senior" and have to wait for the next opportunity at the level I'm perceived and selling myself. Jobs at this level don't come a dime a dozen, says the headhunter. And then there's the rule of thumb that for every £10k you get paid, it takes a month to find the job. So I guess I've got a few months to go.

But is that level of work what I really want? I get excited about new job prospects, but maybe that's because I want the revenge of getting a better job long before the package runs out. "Ha! I'll show them."

And just what is that better job? One where I get paid more and have more perks ... and more responsibility? Or one where I'm actually really jazzed and I don't pull the pillow over my head in the morning, getting a stomach ache when I think about everything that needs to be done.

Are the money/perks an even exchange for the agita? Would I really be happy becoming a life-coaching, massage therapist who writes crappy snippets of stories in my spare time, earning just enough to pay the bills?

Ah, but I've enrolled in a creative writing course, so I'm sure my stories won't be crappy for long. Or at least they'll be more than snippets.

Argh, sometimes there are just too many options. Or maybe I just keep asking too many questions.

On the other hand, it's good to have options and if the right job comes along, I'm sure I'll jump on it. If it doesn't, The Black Cap's hiring.

:: :: ::

This all sounds more downbeat than I really feel. I am so enjoying myself ... reading, scribbling in coffee shops/pubs, planning day trips, taking spin classes with friends, getting more and more ready to run Edinburgh, going to galleries, etc. If I could just figure out how to make a living do all that, I'd be aces.

Well the CD's finished but I'm playing it again and it will be on heavy rotation. Nice job, Alecia. Very nice indeed.