Billie Pipes Down

A few weeks ago, Rose Tyler's ex-boyfriend decided to remain in a parallel universe (with a cute, gay freedom fighter .. hmmm). She was never to see him again. She moaned and pulled faces, but shed not one real tear.

Last week, the Doctor was supposedly gone forever. No secret that she's in love with him, she moaned and pulled faces, but shed not one real tear.

Let's face it kids, Billie Piper couldn't act her way out of a wet paper bag. She couldn't act hot if she were on fire.

What was that noise?? Oh, it was the collective gasps of the likes of him and him. I think I might have just committed gay UK treason.

Although, as he will agree, she was pretty funny when Cassandra inhabited her body ... "Oh my god, I'm a chav!"

Anyway, so long Billie. Enjoy your gap year.

And speaking of moaning and pulling faces, maybe Nikki will be the Doctor's new companion.

Can't you just see her, arms flailing, "I HATE these aliens. HATE them, do you hear me?? There's no bot-tled water on this planet!"

At least we've seen some real tears from her. And they will be tears of joy tonight. See You Next Tuesday, Grace.

But wait, back to Doctor Who ... rather than Nikki, I think the next travelling companion for the Doctor should be Vince, from the UK version of Queer as Folk. It would be brilliant cross-over writing for Russell Davies. Vince could travel the universe with his hero, and maybe finally get over Stuart. And, interestly, Vince's last name is Tyler ... same as Rose. Hmmm ... maybe Russell has been planning this all along.

Lee, see what you can do.