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Tuesday 200 — #88

You say it’s about closure.

Your therapist says the restraining order is closure enough. You remind her that was his passive aggressive taunt and expired months ago.

You’re not stalking him. Who were you to question fate when bargainhotels.com suggested his old neighborhood? Maybe he moved. Maybe they returned his mail with “no forwarding address” to throw you off his track.

You pass his street with forced non-chalance, trying not to script a casual encounter. You spot him everywhere. Could he have gained that much weight? Dyed his hair? Grown a beard? Lost a limb?

You see his boyfriend in the bar. The boyfriend that suffocated him. The boyfriend he told you everything about, but couldn’t breathe a word of you to. Oddly attracted, you sidle up to this man he aborted you for. “You’re not so scary. Why’s he so afraid of you?”

“Pardon me?”

You face the boyfriend and ride a wave of unexpected relief.

Could this be closure?

“You won. He’s clearly made his choice. Congratulations.”

Redness rises in the boyfriend’s cheeks. The same flushed longing that haunts your mirror.

The boyfriend chokes out a whisper. “He hung himself last week.”

So much for closure.

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