September 27, 2004
I love potato
crispschips. Especially barbeque ... and salt and vinegar. Mmmm.
Would you like the Ham and Mustard or Lamb and Mint Sauce flavored crisps?
September 23, 2004
I want to be Sydney Bristow.
And no, it is not just for the non-slip wigs and ability to high-kick the crap out of evil doers (or those who label them).
My wish stems from her ability to walk into any country and speak the language fluently. Hypothetically, it's difficult to eavesdrop on cute boys when they're rambling on in language one does not understand.
I wonder if she really had to learn all those languages in spy school, or if she's just got some really cool translator chip inplanted in her brain. I'd do that. It really couldn't hurt worse than a piercing, right?
And really, wouldn't it be sweet to be able to say, "Excuse me, you have excellent buttocks ... can I bounce a quarter (or regionally appropriate coin) off them?" in any language?
German boys are hot. Italian boys are just sexy.
Back to London tonight.
September 22, 2004
Marrow Me a Little
"We're going to eat nose-to-tail tonight," I was told as I left the office with some colleagues on Monday night.
Usually I'm not so big on the dining while I'm in London. As my pub friends tell me: "If you're eating your cheating." However, business has called for social evenings, and my coworkers would apparently eat than drink pints and
flirt with look at boys in Soho. All's the pity.
Went to a vegetarian's nightmare on Monday night, where I had one of their signature dishes: roast bone marrow and parsely salad. Scary, yes ... but absolutely declicious. Those dogs sure know what they're doing when they suck out the center of a hot bone. Then again ....
Been trying to explore neighborhoods ... figure out where to live and all. Both the jobs are in the East (City and Canary Wharf), and we want to be centrally located -- not too far out in the 'burbs. Chelsea seems a little pish pish, but it's awfully lovely over there. Earl's Court? Perhaps a little too far west ... but very close to Heathrow. Islington (only towards Angel, tyvm)? Farrindgon? Notting Hill? Perhaps Putney? All the cool kids seem to either be there or talk about it.
Too many choices.
Anyway, the week's flying by, and I'm flying right along with it. Took a breakfast meeting with le boss this morning on a London --> Frankfurt flight, and will go on a Milan day trip tomorrow, heading back to London tomorrow night. So yes, Frankfurt is sandwiched in between London and Milan.
In the meantime, I'm full, I'm tired and there's way too much work to do... can't I just go out and dance?
September 16, 2004
I added WEP security to my wi-fi network and I got my wireless connection working at 108Mpbs.
September 15, 2004
Never Enough Time
Thank you San Francisco -- I had a lovely trip.
September 14, 2004
Not Done Yet
The conference was a success and now it's time to have a night out with the castro-sexuals ... let's extend this birthday thing (at least) one more day. Thanks to everybody for the kind wishes.
Will be in the mobile office tomorrow, with much work to catch up on, then off to London this weekend.
September 13, 2004
Happy Birthday to Me
It's a beautiful day in San Francisco, and I'm off to give my opening remarks at my conference.
I've got lots to post, but no time, so I'll be brief.
41 was one of the, if not *the*, most amazing years of my life. So many blessings, I can't begin to make the list. New people have come into my life that I can't imagine were ever not a part of it. Some old friendships were renewed. And wheels have been set in motion to make 42 an even bigger year of change and new experience. I can't wait ... but then again, it's here so I don't have to.
I really could not be happier.
So all you kids worrying about turning 30 ... you ain't seen nothing yet.
Thank you to everyone who helped make it such a great year. Thanks for the wishes that have already come my way so early in the day -- the words, the songs, the pictures, and the phone calls. So much love.
I am a very lucky boy.
September 10, 2004
Did you ever have one of those mornings where, regardless of how perfectly beautiful it was outside, all you wanted to do was stay in bed and
make watch porn?
Whack, nap, repeat.
Or would that be ooze, snooze, repeat?
Speaking of ejaculations ... did you read this?
So when the doorman buzzed and said, “furniture delivery*” ... well, my mind raced. Pressed stop on the VCR remote, pulled on a pair of gym shorts (complete with pup tent) and waited.
And there they were, two latin studs, jockstraps peeking out of their low-rise work jeans , shirts slightly less ripped than their shoulders, asking me in broken English "Where can I please to put this big new wooden piece ..."
I wish. They were pleasant enough, and one had nice tattoos, but I guess I'm getting finicky in my old age (older on Monday -- keeps those cards and gifts a comin').
So it was off to the shower and to find some clothes.
Apparently Gypsy didn't want me to wear underwear today,
and Cab was content to keep any more dirty clothes from finding their way to the hamper.
Far be it from me to disturb the cats.
(I'd have said pussies, but that's vulgar and I've already got porn, comin', whack, studs, ejaculations, jockstraps, and tattoos in one post -- Goolgle can only take so much).
And now what ... work?
I suppose. Last day in the office for awhile. San Francisco next week for a conference and then London the week after.
It's a rough life ... light a candle for me me. I'll do best to blow it out. Or something.
:: :: ::
* I'm still not sure why Larry keeps buying new furniture, given the move and all. I understand it's cheaper here, and work will ship it ... but we have no idea where we're going to live and what will "work" in the new space. Oh well, at least we have a smart new coffee table for me to
bend someone over rest my martini glass.
September 8, 2004
I got this email from a friend yesterday ...
Tomorrow morning you have to go into the Witness Protection Program. The rules are you must move (she said within the US, but I say live large and go anywhere you like) and you must have an income-producing job (but you don't have to worry too much about money).
Where would you live and what would your job be?
September 7, 2004
I need to be careful that I don't fall into an old habit of imagining the worst-case scenario for a situation, and then playing it out in my mind as if that was the reality, rather than merely one possible (and most often the least probable) outcome.
It was one of my worst habits when I was acting -- playing the end result rather than living in the moment. It was also something I worked on for a long time in therapy (went I went for the head-shrinking and not just the prescriptions).
"Get out of your head and just BE," my acting teachers (and analyst) used to tell me.
Just be. Just breathe. Experience each moment. Get back to yoga. Get back to meditation.
A carved stoned found its way into my life a while back and sits on my office desk ... amidst way too much clutter. This afternoon, looking in my desk drawer for a stamp, I came across the card that describes the symbol.
This ancient symbol depicting a plant sprouting through the earth acknowledges the end of one cycle and the beginning of another; the quiet time before growth; a time to focus on one's true desires and embrace the future one day at a time. It is a reminder of the great strength in stillness and the joy in being.
Is there wisdom in a stone? (or is there just wisdom in being stoned?)
Focus. Embrace the future. One day a time.
There is much to share in this life ... with our families (whether they be genetic and chosen) and with our friends ... with those we've known forever, with those we've just met, and with those we have yet to meet.
Every day is a new beginning.
:: :: ::
Addendum: Hmm ... I was tidying up my desk and *I swear* I just noticed for the first time that the symbol on that rock looks eerily similar to the symbol for a British Pound.
September 6, 2004
Chance Dance Slice
Summer’s over. It got cold last night in Ptown; it seemed that in the course of a couple hours, summer blew away and we were whisked right into a crisp, bracing fall.
I found myself outside Spiritus, watching the usual parade of rabble-rousers, some looking for a slice of pizza, some looking for their last chance. Labor Day is the last big fling in Ptown ... and it was an incredible weekend.
We had decided earlier that day to leave on Monday rather than Tuesday. For anybody who doesn’t know, it seems that our move to London is a go, details and timeline to be determined, but we’re going. It's all so surreal ... and I really won't believe it till I have a work visa in my passport and my first paycheck in pounds, but everything's pointing to that being a reality in the next few months.
So it was an unexpected last night in ptown for me. A night without goodbyes, without closure.
Just another one of the sights. I stood there across the street from the pizza place, watching, trying to take it all in, bent over my blackberry, tapping away on the keyboard, trying to take it all in, quasi-journaling, quasi-philosophizing, quasi-moto.
So this is me in my head last night, cleaned up a little from the bberry email to myself for clarity, but it’s still a rambling mess ….
I just had my last drink in Ptown in what could be a couple years. Alone at the Little Bar. I didn’t say goodbye to my favorite bartenders. Didn’t say goodbye to so many people, and probably won’t. Realizing I'm not spending my last night here at #7. It’s my home away from home, and I haven’t stayed there the last two trips. I want to go home ... to go stand on the roof and then walk downstairs and crawl into bed.
A man in leather just walked past me crying.
Life changes, and yet it goes on. I won't really be missed here, but I'll miss it so much. It'll be here, and new things will happen. I’m excited yet there’s this huge sense of melancholy, a knowledge that something’s ending … and so much more is beginning.
I was 19 yrs old when I came here for the first time, with my then friend Jen. I had no idea what Ptown was then. I had no idea then that there could be so many gay people. I wasn’t really out then, but I found a copy of The Best Little Boy in the World … I think maybe Ptown made me realize I could come out.
Then, years later, I started coming back with Larry. We got our condo. I had a new home. Deep inside, I know I’ll be back … but still, maybe not. You never know. Sanctuary could be replaced. But by what? We have no idea when we’re coming back.
We went to a gay wedding this weekend. A marriage of two friends, men who’ve been together for 29 and a half years, their family in attendance. It was something old, but made new. Amazing. There was so much love at that service … and in all the festivities that surrounded it ... the concert that precluded it and the bonfires on the beach that took us into the night.
I'm totally happy here … I never want to leave once I get here. Yet I l know it’s time to move on. Wish there was more of a goodbye, but somehow this last night is appropriately laid back.
Yes, I'll return, but when. I won't come back the same. And soon it will be far away and not just a whimsical car ride (albeit a long one) away. Look at everybody … there’s just so much joy here. So many boys to kiss, but I only want to hug the ones I l know and they are not here.
Am I trying to make this more than it is? Not really -- but something is changing and it's not just the weather. And it's not just mercury coming out of retrograde.
I'm so lucky. So many people in my life. Ptown’s just one aspect. All that is good has raised its head here. So many friends. Karen never got here, and that I regret.
I know its not over, but all I want is to sleep in # 7 tonight. To be home. And I don't know for sure that I will ever sleep there again, for nothing is certain in this life. Not being fatalistic, but still … you just never know. David died a few years after he moved to London. Why does that creep into my mind so often?
In the movie, all my memories would walk up to me now, right up Commercial Street, like in the sappy ending of Longtime Companion. Where’s Mary Louise Parker when you need her? Or Craig Lucas for that matter – been a couple years since I talked to him and what a heyday he’d have with me right now?
Where’s *anybody* that I know? I'm alone right now. I'm sure I'll see someone I recognize before the crowd disperses, but it would be self-indulgent to spill -- and I'm not in that mood (at least not to anyone but this silly contraption in my palm). I'm happy to observe and know that change is good and probably not as significant as I'm playing it in my mind.
I'm going away and no one knows, or the ones that know don't see it significant enough to make a deal of it. It's all happening so fast. I’m so blessed to have known and loved it here. So happy to have spent time here with friends and family -- people I love and who love me.
This is not my last night at Spiritus. But it is the last night of summer. And the last night I'll be here for along time, and I wish I had someone to hug -- not a new trick, but someone who could stand here with me and hold me and share this with me. I guess I could go wake Larry up, but that wouldn't be a ptown moment, would it. Our moments here are often shared, yet separate ... And rarely at last call. Maybe he's the smart one. Deciding to leave a day early and not stay out after dinner. Not say goodbye – just drive away early to get on with the real world ahead of him, of us.
I never want to leave here once I'm here. This is the most magical place.
I'm blessed to have spent so much time here.
So many friends. So much love. So many memories. The last 7 years have been amazing here. I cherish all the memories. Even if I can't recount each one. I feel like I'm silently walking away from one of the happiest places in my life. I know there are kajilliomns of happy places to come.
Enough of this foolishness. I should have a slice. Hmmmm, cheese or pepperoni?
Well, at least it can never be said that I'm not thinking -- just a little. Just a little too much?
Where's my pizza?
September 2, 2004
Speaking of Birthdays
I'm not sayin' ....
Rent A Cop
crossing security guards outside our building are now wearing high-visibiliy day-glo green vests. I just went out for a Fourbucks, and saw one of them being directed to stand in a different location, away from the wall, but under the canopy. "You want the building to see you," his supervisor told him.
But bright colors are not enough. We also have Brinks Security now, and I just saw one of them, who looked to be about 15 years old, about 5'4", first wispy moustache coming in and bling in his ear, walking in front of the building with his hand on his gun, pulled half-way out of his holster. He looked like a little trigger-happy gangtsa in a Kevlar vest.
He came into Starbucks, looked around all menacingly. When asked if he needed help, he said he was just looking for the restroom.
I guess all the excitement of holding that big silver semi-automatic in his hand made him have to tinkle.
And there was a SWAT guy with a machine gun outside of Planet Hollywood last night. I mean really ... Planet Hollywood?? I think maybe he was supposed to keep the paying customers inside.
September 1, 2004
Let's All Sing ...
Happy birthmonth to me
Happy birthmonth to me
Happy birthmonth, Uncle Bobby
Happy birthmonth to me
Thank you all ... you're so kind. You shouldn't have.
Repugnant Nauseating Circus
I watched the RNC tonight ... it was horrible television. Worse than Boy Meets Boy (but I watched all that too). I am truly afraid for America. And a little irritated.
Is that a face lift or just too much Botox on Arnold? Did he really just say "don't be economic girly men?"
Note to Jenna and Barbara -- stick to drinking; you're no good at: a) reading cue cards *or* b) delivering stand-up. Who wrote that shit?
"Hello, Laura? Yes, it's Stepford calling ... your day pass is expired. Please come back for a tune-up."